A message from The Marshmallow – Chinese Restaurant closed on Sunday

Ladies and Gents,

I welcome you to our club. I hope you enjoy what we have to offer, which isn’t much but we do have a very elegant Chinese Restaurant. But you better get in quick because the new digs are so quiet I have already cut back on opening hours.

I opened our new “stable star” on Good Friday to capture the Asian market but apparently the Asian market doesn’t eat much on Sundays because, well, we are now closed on Sundays. I anticipate that Mondays and Tuesdays will be following suit very soon, because the Asian market isn’t very keen on what we have to offer.

Please don’t expect your committee to know anything about this because they never showed any interest in how club restaurants were doing before so why would they start now? To tell you the truth (which is difficult for me) I am only playing the game, so I don’t care what happens to the Chinese restaurant, or the committee, or the staff for that matter. I’m just here getting what I can while it lasts. Can you blame me?

Now back to the topic. The Chinese restaurant is now closed on Sundays because it just doesn’t work, but to save face I am not closing it entirely, just starting with Sundays. But be warned, I could be closing it a few more days of the week very soon.

If you have any questions regarding this please do not ask me. Instead see one of my puppets who are paid too much already so make them work for it.

Marshmallow Veloz


City Tattersalls Club


Strategic Plans for Clubs

It seems City Tatts has a new “Strategic Plan”.

That’s always a cause for concern, at City Tatts or any club.

A strategic plan can make sense for some organisations. If you are a very large multinational with thousands of employees spread across many locations you probably need a strategic plan to keep everyone on track.

Of course where clubs are concerned they are usually nonsense.

A “Strategic Plan” is just the sort of waffle that looks good on a screen and sounds good in the boardroom. And if it never left the boardroom it could continue to look and sound good.

But bring it out to the real world, or out to the club, and it is quickly exposed as a hotchpotch of meaningless jargon, current buzzwords and useless catchphrases.

Actually the people who really do have a vision or plan for a club or any organisation rarely use the words “strategic plan”.

Well-run clubs, in touch with their members, just naturally do things that amount to a strategic plan without having to resort to empty jargon.

City Tatts Information Desk

Trouble at the Palace of Culture

The Queen of Poisonous Culture has caused waves for herself at home. Our last blog announcing the City Tatts float for next year’s Mardi Gras is causing a problem.

We hear that the new beau, the man who was in a previous relationship with a gay male, has said that under no circumstances will he give up his seat on the City Tatts float. He does see great value in an oiled up Mark Cooper with one of those little skippers caps on his rather fat head. In fact the new beau has let it be known that he wants to be front and centre on the City Tatts float and wants a leave pass at the end of the parade to “discuss matters that might arise” with Will Corbett. We think the after party will be very interesting, don’t you?

Imagine the Queen of Poisonous Culture waiting at the front door of her palace with the rolling pin when the beau finally does return home. Only problem is the rolling pin wouldn’t be big enough after a few hours “with the boys at the after party”.

For the Queen of Poisonous Culture all we can say is “the more things appear to change the more they stay the same”.

City Tatts Information Desk

Hell Freezes Over! City Tatts made a profit!

It just goes to show what can happen with a little bit of back breaking work and an equal dose of elbow grease. A full round of congratulations must be provided for Marcelo Veloz, the committee and even the finance man Mark Cooper.

Who said you were all a collection of imbeciles and useless buffoons?

How did you celebrate your finest moment? A little bit of free champagne just like Guilfoyle? Some French wines, plenty of free food and even more backslapping? We can just imagine the bullshit and propaganda being provided when Veloz was heralding in the new era and the outstanding profit.

Does this sound right?

No, it doesn’t.

Now to the truth.

The profit amounted to $745,000.

The profit was made up of $700,000 from the sale of intangible assets. As members or staff of the club you should be concerned when anything is sold to make or inflate a profit. The reason for this is simple. When something is sold it’s gone, never to be used again.

So what was sold to give the club this mysterious profit? It was gaming machine entitlements, which just proves what we have been saying all along. The committee, Marcelo Veloz and Mark Cooper are all first class, gold medal imbeciles.

By selling these entitlements the club is acknowledging that it cannot generate the revenue through it’s only real source of income producing assets – the poker machines. By selling these entitlements the club is acknowledging that it’s income is dropping because it just doesn’t have the gaming business to drive the larger gaming installation.

If those shonky shitbags who disguise themselves as the committee, the CEO and the financial controller can’t make a profit in such a privileged position as City Tatts is in it just goes to show what a useless, limp, impotent lot they are.

City Tatts Information Desk

Why is it so hard to run a restaurant at City Tatts now?

Why is it so hard to run a restaurant at City Tatts today?

City Tatts managed to run restaurants successfully in the past. It was just part of what the club did.

Restaurants only became a problem in the club after Tony Guilfoyle started to run them. And he had a small army of managers and consultants to advise him. Before that restaurants were a positive feature of the club, and brought people to the club.

And they didn’t require massive subsidies from the rest of the club. The small subsidy required was viewed as an investment in a service for members, the reason for the club’s existence.

But there is something a bit strange about how Marcelo Veloz approaches restaurants.

He spends a lot of time on them and talks like he knows how to run them. But then look at what he does. His preference is to close an existing restaurant. But instead of opening another he just gives the space to an outside contractor to run the restaurant for him.

Why would he do that if he really knows how to run it himself?

City Tatts Information Desk

Is there a Sam Johnson out there?

What happened to Sam Johnson? Remember Sammy? He is the slimy organ grinder at Southern Cross bullshit group. Sammy and Veloz are mates. Remember Sammy now?

So where is Sammy?

What contracts are being lined up for Sam Johnson and Southern Cross at City Tatts? If we were a contractor dealing with City Tatts we would be very nervous because Sam is on the prowl. Veloz wants him because they can perfrom magic together and rob the club through inflated invoicing and simply invoicing for work not performed. Remember the Sharkies, Mr Veloz?

Let us remind you of what Sam and you did together at the Sharkies.

More to come.

City Tatts Information Desk

Anti-Aging pills urgently needed for Francine Binns!

There was a major medical scare at the City Tatts Annual General Meeting.

That was Francine Binns.

The consensus among the attendees was that, based on her election photo, she has aged 20 years – since April!

At this rate she will look like Jan Ellks by Christmas.

Well, the Wicked Witch role at City Tatts is currently vacant ……….

But, on a more serious note, imagine this twit Binns, now working at the Australian Institute of Company Directors, would rather close her eyes to Marcelo Veloz, when all she has to do is make the short trip to Dooleys Catholic Club at Lidcombe and ask a few simple questions.

And they want more women on boards?

The Committee certainly knew what they were doing when they selected Binns.

Incidentally, speaking of Veloz, he has provided a very good indicator of the respective corporate governance standards of the two clubs:

Booted out of Dooleys Catholic Club, for stealing

But good enough for City Tattersalls Club!

City Tatts Information Desk