So who is Pickles?

Staff have a new moniker for Will the Dill. They now refer to him as Pickles.

There is a likeness we think, Will the Dill and Pickles. Staff must be congratulated for this find.

If you are confused, dill is a pickle. In fact, dill pickle recipes are common.

So Will the Dill is now Pickles to the many staff who love and adore him. As one well-placed staff member added under anonymity “We would adore him much more if he was found under a bus for the pain he inflicts on ordinary staff”. One longer term employee commented that he thought Will the Dill, or Pickles as we now know him, would have risen to the rank of sergeant under Guilfoyle within a day or two of starting, such is the amount of hatred he has for ordinary people and the love he has for inflicting pain on award-paid staff.

That is of course unless you got your job from Pickles after being picked up at the Columbian Gay night club on Oxford Street and being used for his own pleasure.

This actually happened and we will be revealing all in due course.

So Will really is a dill, isn’t he? Or was that Pickles? One thing is for sure: when Veloz finds out about this he will go ape shit just like he did when he found out that Christina St. Vincent was banging the DM.

Watch this space and keep an eye out for poor Pickles in a fluster when he reads this – because he knows what happened to St. Vincent.

This will be a tricky one for Veloz – follow the St. Vincent example or make an exception for Pickles?

City Tatts Information Desk


An escalating problem

Did anyone else notice that the escalators from the gaming floor to Zest were out of order?

And how long were they out of order? A few hours? A day? WRONG! They were out for two weeks!

We found this difficult to believe, even by City Tatts standards. It seemed well-nigh impossible so we sent The Ferret to check it out.

Apparently the official explanation is that Liftronic, the club’s escalator and elevator service provider, were, wait for it, “waiting on a part”. Now hands up if you believe this. Glad to see no hand was raised.

Just think about it. Liftronic are part of a worldwide company with literally millions of service contracts. And they can’t source the part City Tatts needs for two weeks? If this were true, at this moment there would be hundreds of stationary escalators all over Sydney. And they must must have been waiting for a different part back in December because one of the same escalators was stopped for three weeks then!

Poor old Confucius is in raptures over this one and finds the whole thing “‘mazing”. He added that according to old Chinese proverb “Club with no escalator can’t go up”. Maybe Confucius should have been given the CEO job when Tweedledum was given his marching orders? After all we think Confucius would be able to get a humble escalator moving within a day, don’t you?

With The Marshmallow pulling the strings, and Humpty Dumpty holding the purse strings, we suppose we don’t need to look any further for the reason why escalators at City Tatts are stopped for weeks at a time – when every other escalator that Liftronic service is back up and running within a day!

City Tatts Information Desk

Clubs NSW CoNCEAL Awards

Clubs NSW are behind a lot of the nonsense you see at clubs today, especially at City Tatts.

Under Tony Guilfoyle City Tatts embraced the Clubs NSW propaganda program. No surprises there. Clubs NSW are an industry lobby group, essentially for CEO’s. They have almost no contact with club members and most definitely do not act for club members.

Their main lobbying campaign is a continuous effort to persuade governments to retain the concessions clubs currently enjoy. This sounds very much like the backwards logic Guilfoyle used to display. Wouldn’t it make more sense for clubs to focus on their original purpose – using the profits from poker machines to provide their members with good food, entertainment and sporting and other amenities? If they did that they wouldn’t have to worry about the government taking away their concessions.

Anyway, as part of their lobbying propaganda Clubs NSW often organise publicity campaigns and awards around some issue that has little or nothing to do with clubs, and certainly nothing to do with members. Many of these are too ridiculous for words. These are the ones City Tatts always gets involved with.

So we feel that Clubs NSW need to come up with awards that are more relevant to what actually goes on in clubs. We therefore offer our contribution to this worthy goal:


This prestigious award would be given to the Chairman who, in the judge’s opinion, presided over exceptional performance in the above disciplines.

We humbly suggest Patrick Campion as the City Tatts nomination.

And that Josh Landis be one of the judges.

City Tatts Information Desk

Just how does Humpty Dumpty survive? (2)

Another angle to the Humpty Dumpty story is Veloz and his penchant for outsourcing. He loves outsourcing. Just look at the cleaners, security, maintenance and the Lower Bar, to name just a few. Given that he is totally comfortable with outsourcing why wouldn’t he simply outsource Humpty’s role?

Knowing what Humpty does we state as a fact you could do his work in two days a week. Using a top flight accountant, and we mean top flight, experienced, and qualified, this service could be obtained for $60,000 a year with no on-costs, so what’s the deal with hanging on to Humpty Dumpty?

It’s simple really. Humpty has something on the club and the club is controlled by the committee. If Humpty left in an aggrieved state of mind, if he was dismissed like he should be, he might talk about everything Guilfoyle did. This would be catastrophic for the committee and especially Patrick Campion. Remember Campion conspiring with Guilfoyle to allow him to “repay” the $200,000 he tried to embezzle with non-existent unused annual leave.

Now how does Veloz feel about this? After all he is the one who has to find $4,000 a week to pay this imbecile. Maybe he doesn’t care considering he is getting $7,000 a week himself, while most staff get basic award wages, and have their hours cut and replaced by Chilean refugees. We are curious to know if Veloz knows a Chilean refugee with basic accounting skills. You just never know, cash might get so tight he has to get rid of Humpty.

We rang Confucius to see what he thinks of all this. All our man Confucius would say is “Humpty Dumpty still on wall? Me think this ‘mazing”.

City Tatts Information Desk

Just how does Humpty Dumpty survive? (1)

Our recent blog detailing how he robs the club for wages in excess of $200,000 per year, primarily as he is unqualified, raises another question: Just how does he survive?

Wiser heads than ours think he:

  1. is a protected species because the committee has given Veloz express orders not to touch him because if he is upset he just might start talking about the thieving that has gone on for years which of course would implicate the committee
  2. has caught Veloz fucking a wild pig

There can’t possibly be any other reason, can there? If there was, even someone as dopey as Veloz would have booted the unqualified bookkeeper out by now.

What makes it even more baffling is that Veloz has been trimming fat from the club in other areas for a while now. He has tried to save money in even the most obscure places but he continues to pay Humpty Dumpty the unqualified bookkeeper $4,000 a week. Yes, that is not a misprint, he pays this goose $4,000 a week.

Yes, Veloz is trying to save money by turning off lights when not in use but continues to waste $4,000 a week on a buffoon masquerading as an accountant. Even if you employed another accountant, one that was qualified we might add, you wouldn’t expect to pay any more than half of what is being spent now.

But somehow Humpty Dumpty is still there.

City Tatts Information Desk

Maybe Mark Cooper will wear a wire?

Maybe Mark Cooper will just talk and “self-report” his role in all the frauds he covered up, that Chairmen John Healy, John Kennedy and now Patrick Campion presided over?

If Cooper self-reported wouldn’t he lessen the blows to himself?

Maybe he thinks all the fraud he covered up will just go away, but it won’t. As time goes by it will be more difficult for him to prove that it was Guilfoyle alone that stole everything that wasn’t nailed down. If anything Cooper will be more of a suspect because he is the one constant in all the looting.

When witnesses get called they might just implicate Cooper a little more than he would like. If he went to the authorities and self-reported, and had all the main players namely Tony Guilfoyle, John Healy, John Kennedy and Patrick Campion before the courts for the biggest looting operation in club history, he might get some sympathy from the court.

By sympathy we mean he might get to serve his time in a prison farm rather than the maximum security penitentiary he will face if he waits until he is scooped up for his role in the frauds.

Over to you Mark, will that time be served in relative comfort in an all-you-can-eat “country club” or will it be in a maximum security prison? The choice is yours.

City Tatts Information Desk

A day in the life of a marshmallow!

We were lucky enough to get hold of The Marshmallow’s diary. Here is a typical day:

8.00 Wake up. Check Blogs

8.30 Reflect on decision to take City Tatts job. Cry for 10 minutes

9.00 Go to City Tatts.

9.01 Check Blogs

9.30 Rave on to staff about “progress” or “engagement” or something

9.31 Stop and think about how this will look on a blog

10.00 Fire someone who might be a blogger, or talking to the bloggers

10.30 Try to rent out another part of the club.

10.31 Check Blogs

11.00 Brood about who the bloggers are

11.30 Hire another Chilean to try and find the bloggers

11.31 Stop and think about how this will look on a blog

12.00 Lunch

1.00 Close office door and rewatch Titanic, paying special attention to scenes involving deck chairs

2.00 Go into psychotic rage screaming and shouting and pounding fist on desk over some routine matter that didn’t go according to plan

2.30 Present committee with another desperate short term scheme described as “progress” which in reality proves they have all given up any hope of trading out of the situation they are in

3.00 to 3.05 Try to come up with real idea to save club

4.00 Outsource another department of the club to Southern Cross Group

4.01 Stop and think about how this will look on a blog

5.00 Go home. Check Blogs

City Tatts Information Desk